On Defining Gender

OK, here we go again. Hopefully with a little more success.

I had mentioned in a previous post that there were three segments of the population that I thought were very involved in challenging gender roles. Those were the GLBT population, people who choose professions that are traditionally filled by the other gender such as male nurses and female astronauts, and spiritual men. You could make an argument that spiritual men should be included in the gender-traditional category, but I have a lot to say about it so I will keep it separate.

Today I want to talk about GLBT, which is Gay Lesbian, Bisexual and Transexual in case you did not know. And I am probably going to get a little controversial, just to warn you. I also want to make a point of terminology. I ascribe to the idea that "sex" refers to our biological state and "gender" defines our socially defined state.

We have a very interesting history of defining exactly what sex we are. It used to be a simple as looking to see whether the baby had a penis or not. Sort of. We all start the same at the moment of conception and at some point during our development, the embryonic gonad moves us down the path toward one or the other destination. Our phallus either becomes a penis or a clitoris. It does not always work out so perfectly, and there is sometimes some ambiguity. In early times the term "hermaphrodite" was used to describe someone with attributes from both sexes. There is increasing acceptance of the term "intersexual" to describe this.

The reason this is important is because we in the Western world are very happy with nice clean little dichotomies. Our world fits very properly into good/evil, black/white, male/female descriptions. A baby should be either a boy or a girl. The problem is that it is not always so easily defined. Now that we have scientific testing, we can find people that are not XX or XY, but XXY (Klinefelter syndrome) or XO (Turner syndrome). There are other things like Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH) or Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS) and several other reasons that there is not "normal" development. So for some reason, instead of a dichotomy we seem to have a spectrum with male and female at either end and several conditions in between. Granted, the spectrum may be visualized like a dumbbell, with a great preponderance of cases being at either end and a few cases spread between, but Anne Fausto-Sterling in Sexing the Body estimates 1.7 percent. In a city of 30,000 people, that would mean about 510 people with intersex conditions.

There are a few reasons I want to mention this. One is that this condition sometimes results in arbitrary surgical procedures. Ambiguous genitalia sometimes results in the doctor "assigning" the sex of the baby surgically. I do not want to get into detail here, but it horrifies me to think about it. (Check out http://www.isna.org for more information.) Certainly, this can create gender identity problems.

Another reason is that as I was reading about this, I was wondering what caused this. Is it a "natural" state of things or an aberration? I did some looking on the Internet, and while I will admit I did not do exhaustive research, I did find it interesting that in every instance I found of intersex conditions in animals it had to do with the effects of pollutants in the environment. Anne Fausto-Sterling mentions that "in some populations, the genes involved with intersexuality are very frequent" (p. 53) Basically, lots of research still needs to be done.

The last reason is that I was wondering what this means from a spiritual perspective. The Baha'i writings state that the differences between man and woman are entirely physical, an "exigency of the physical world and hath no connection with the spirit" so when we pass on to whatever awaits us after death, our sex will not matter. So in our ultimate identity, even defining ourselves as man or woman is temporary. This makes sense if we believe that we are created in God's image since God is beyond sex. My understanding is that God and Goddess are two aspects of Deity which makes perfect sense since physical men and women are trying to relate to the Supreme Being.

Whether it is the desire to cross-dress or the desire to undergo gender reassignment, this issue is at the forefront of challenging what it means to be man or woman. Whether it is defined by the clothes we wear or the genitalia we wear. By the hormones and chromosomes we have inside or what is in our hearts. And who is to define it for us?

Anyway, what this means is that there is great difficulty in defining our gender roles, especially when we cannot even easily define our sex roles. For most of us, we fit into male or female pretty easily from a biological point of view. About 98.3 percent of us. When it comes to defining what is "right and proper" between people, that is mostly socially constructed and defined. Can you imagine a show like Will and Grace on television in the 50's, right after Ozzie and Harriet? What we accept changes with time. I am sure there are quite a few countries around the world where Will and Grace would not be a big hit.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on the physical aspect of our relationships. It downplays the importance of emotional and intellectual connection. Heaven forbid it should even consider that there is a spiritual connection. (Pardon the pun.) When we think of gay and lesbian relationship, all we (we the majority?) think about is the sexual aspect. But heterosexuals do not have a monopoly on long-lasting, fulfilling relationships with a divorce rate commonly quoted at 50 percent. So when I hear of gay and lesbian couples that have been together for 30 years, I wonder what they can teach me about making a relationship work.

The most important way that gay and lesbian couples are redefining gender roles is because they have to reconsider things anew without applying gender stereotypes. If Heather has two mommies, who is going to take out the trash and mow the lawn? If Heather has two daddies, who is going to stay home when Heather is sick? Gay and lesbian couples are also subject to domestic violence. (See http://www.avp.org/) And "divorce" depending on their situation.

Another reason it is important is this. Society defines relationships as sexual, and says that sexual relationships between two people of the same gender are wrong. Along comes a couple who love each other, and they say "to heck with what society says, I am still going to LOVE this person." It is not only okay to love someone of the same sex, we are supposed to love everyone. Love is universal, and is our natural state. We have all these hurts and fears and biases and things that get in the way, but we are created to love. Spirit to spirit, soul to soul. As society matures it grows to understand interpersonal relationships better, and the "proper" expression of love. But I appreciate the fact that barriers to honest, spiritual love are being challenged.

I'm not going to get mad

Okay, I just spent two hours working on a blog post and the stupid thing got eaten by cyberspace. Gone.

I'm not going to get mad. I'm going to chalk it up as divine editing.

I tried.

Checking in and Gender Rebels

Nine days is too long to be away from bloggerland. I'm settling in to a new job and it is really undefined so figuring out how to get up to speed and not have it take all of my time is a challenge. I don't want to neglect my creative writing outlet, especially since I have a magazine article in the works and I will probably explore some of the ideas here.

Something I have been thinking about, especially since a conversation with my best friend, is the idea of gender rebels. He and I are, from different directions. It got me to thinking that there are certainly three, if not more, groups of people who are challenging the definitions of masculinity and femininity and are trying to step outside of rigid gender roles. I think it is a necessary step as our human species matures. In order to truly discover who we are as spiritual beings, we need to challenge those things that limit us. Gender roles are one of those things.

First, let me say that the three leading groups of gender rebels that I see are the GLBT population, people who go into gender-oriented professions such as male teachers and nurses and female drag racers and soldiers and astronauts, and spiritual men. I'm not saying that astronauts should be men, I'm saying that they traditionally were and that the women that aspired to that have had to smash gender stereotypes to fight to be accepted. In future blogs I will be exploring these groups and what they are doing to advance the idea that men and women are equal and that gender should not be as limiting or clearly defined or important as it currently is.

A few books that I highly recommend:

Paradoxes of Gender by Judith Lorber
Sexing the Body by Anne Fausto-Sterling
Real Men or Real Teachers by Paul Sargent

I've gotta run now, heading to NYC for a meeting. But I'll be back and it will be sooner than nine days!

Lost at Sea

Man, it has been an amazing couple of weeks. Come along for the ride.

My wife and I went to visit my family for Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. It has always been one of my favorite holidays. Gatherings of family. Lots of good food. Giving thanks. Football. What more could you ask for in a holiday? I much prefer it to Christmas. Shopping. Gifts. Music. Over-commercialization. Greed. Ringing bells. Hypocrisy. Why is it that people give more to charities at Christmas than any other time of the year? Oh yeah. I forgot guilt.

Don't get me wrong. I love the original reason for Christmas, and dislike the original reason for Thanksgiving. I love celebrating the birth of Christ. That was, like, a major good thing. The earth was blessed by the presence of Christ, and we should be happy about that. I also think we should celebrate the birth of Buddha. And Muhammad. And Krishna, and Moses, and Zoroaster. And of course The Bab and Baha'u'llah, since I am a Baha'i. Any time God sends a messenger to us is a blessed Day.

Thanksgiving on the other hand, doesn't really publicize the fact that Europeans came to the "New World" and would have starved without help from indigenous peoples, then turned around and slaughtered them, betrayed them, herded them onto little forsaken tracts of land that nobody else would want. Until, of course, there was either oil or gold or some other thing found on it.

So if we separated Thanksgiving from the Pilgrim/Indian theme, I'd be fine with that. And if we separated Christmas from the shopping/Santa theme, I'd be fine with that.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was wonderful with my mother and sister and nieces. We had good food. I installed a programmable thermostat for my mom. We watched Shrek 2. Great day! Then we came home for a couple of Baha'i events. Friday was a Baha'i Holy Day, the Day of the Covenant. That is where we celebrate the fact that God sent us Baha'u'llah, who made a covenant with us that outlined the exact succession to his son 'Abdu'l-Baha. This is the first time the succession of a religion has been so explicit, and the purpose is to prevent schism since the Baha'i Faith is all about unity. That is a good thing to celebrate and give thanks for.

Later that evening we went to a Baha'i study circle. It is like a Bible Study, I guess you could say. We are studying a book called Reflections on the Life of the Spirit, and you don't have to be a Baha'i to learn about and discuss that. Well, one person at that study circle decided that they wanted to become a Baha'i. Another thing to give thanks for.

Saturday was a day for my wife and I to spent together. We played some pool, went to one of her favorite restaurants, and had a nice date. More to give thanks for.

Sunday I had a job interview. And was hired on the spot. More to give thanks for, after 11 months of unemployment.

Now I've started working, and getting into the job is a very busy time. So all these things have kept me too busy to journey here to blogland. I wanted to say hello, that I hadn't given up, and that I'd be back soon with reflections on how difficult being a spiritual man is. For those that say men have everything, stay tuned.

A Bit of a Rant about Moral Values

Okay, I'm really peeved right now. I have been trying, nicely, for a couple of weeks, to unsubscribe from a stupid Internet email "hotsheet" that is supposed to entice me to buy more from a vendor I made the mistake of purchasing from several years ago. When you add to that recent violence in sports, movies, and books and the experience of driving in Massachusetts it gives me plenty to rant about. Let's get a few things straight:

1. My buying something from you doesn't mean I am giving my okay to be harassed ad infinitum, no matter how small the print is that you are using to justify it or how backhanded the "mining" of my information is. Here is a moral value: see your customers as more than a money dispensing piece of meat. Treat them with respect instead of gambling your relationship with them on the chance that they'll become your revenue stream. Luring someone to sign up for a drawing so you can then sell their information is not ethical, no matter how legal it is.
2. Spam, and advertising, are NOT free speech. You do not have the right to walk into my living room and spout your marketing spiel, why should you have the right to do it through email? Moral value: respect for others. Value humans above dollars.
3. When someone clicks a link that says 'unsubscribe me' it should do that. It should not validate the email address so that you can tell the people you sell it to that it is a validated address. Moral values: Honesty and Truthfulness. The Baha'i Writings say: "Truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues." We learned in kindergarten that lying is bad. Were you absent that day?
4. Violence in sports outside the bounds of play is unacceptable. Football is a violent sport, but when played within the bounds of the rules it is a risk those who play it acknowledge and accept. Those who watch it know and accept the rules and what they will see. The spirit of the sport is shown in the reaction when a player is knocked unconscious or paralyzed. Everyone in the stadium, players and fans alike, hold their breath in hope for the health of the injured player. Respect for life and your competitor is acknowledged. When that violence and aggression turns into shoving matches, fights and bench-clearing brawls, it is unacceptable. Machismo is not a necessary part of sports or competition. Fighting among athletes is despicable. Fighting between fans is despicable. Fighting between fans and athletes is reprehensible. Ron Artest got suspended for the rest of the NBA season. The fans that were involved should be suspended for life. Moral Values: good sportsmanship and respect.
5. Alcohol at sporting events is ridiculous. If you are looking for an excuse to drink, stay home. If you want to see sports, enjoy it for the competition. Hey NBA, don't hide behind the fact that it is a major revenue stream to support a fan's right to get drunk. Hypocrisy doesn't become you. Why don't we just start selling alcohol at high school sporting events. At least they could really benefit from the revenue. Let's sell tobacco there, too.
6. Moving on to movies, I just watched The Incredibles this weekend. I was nearly in tears at the end of it, and they weren't tears of joy. They were tears of disgust and sadness as I watched dozens of children file past me on the way out of what was purportedly "family" entertainment. Admittedly, it was rated PG. Obviously the trailers for the movie wanted you to turn a blind eye to that and to take all the kiddies to it. All the trailers I saw before the movie were geared at children. The opening cartoon feature was geared at children. Why, then, were there scenes of torture? The most disturbing scene to me, if you'll pardon the spoiler, was Mr. Incredible grabbing Mirage by the throat and choking her. Once again, even in cartoon, we have normalized images of men being violent to women. Then we get upset when men beat their wives and wonder why they just can't control themselves. Because the normalizing images are everywhere! That's why! And this is in a cartoon being sold to children. Freaking brilliant, I say! Perhaps I am too sensitive to the issue having witnessed my own mother being subjected to domestic violence until I was five, but I think until we start pointing out this crap and how pervasive it is, it isn't going to go away.
7. I also read a book recently that was highly recommended. Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind. A relatively good book if you are looking for some fantasy escapism. I enjoyed most of it. Unfortunately the 75 page episode of torture rather turned me off. Moving on to a graphically described near rape was too much. I want my reading to be educational or entertaining. I don't want to read graphic descriptions of torture and rape. While deciding whether to read the second book, the dust jacket helped me make my decision. It said, "War, suffering, torture, and deceit lie in their paths, and nothing will save them from a destiny of violent death, unless..." Enough said. I'm on to another book. Maybe I'm getting prudish in my old age, but I don't watch movies that are advertised with sex and violence and blowing things up. I stay away from books that are like that too. Ever see the movie Children of Heaven? That's what I'm talking about.
8. Lastly, there are an enormous number of drivers in Massachusetts that have absolutely no concept of the drivers around them. They have no concept of space. The other day I was sitting in heavy traffic waiting to make a left hand turn when a car zoomed around me on the right, swerved to the left and dodged through a small hole in traffic to make a left turn 10 feet ahead of me. I shouldn't worry, they had at least 3 feet to spare. Today, someone did nearly the same thing. They saw me slowing down to make a left hand turn behind the car in front of me. The yanked the wheel to the right and went around the two cars only to make a left turn into where I was going. There is a culture of aggression here that is inexcusable. The cops, who regularly pull people over for having a license plate light out, should be arresting aggressive drivers who are running lights and cutting people off. Patience, people. You'll get there. It may be a minute later, and you may not have "beaten" the person in front of you, but the world will be a happier place.

By the way. Never, ever, order anything from eCost.com if you value your privacy.

Rant over. I'm out.

God, Sports, and Racism

I have been considering a few topics to write about for this next entry in my great blog experiment. Thanks to Monday Night Football, the topic was kind of chosen for me.

After watching some football games this weekend, I was struck by the prevalence of God in sports. Probably second only to the now cliche "Hi Mom" is the ritual of thanking God after scoring a touchdown. We see inter-team prayers after a game. We see it when someone is injured severely, like when they are paralyzed and taken off the field on a cart. We see people praying for that last minute, game-winning field goal.

God isn't limited to football, either. Sammy Sosa and others give praise for home runs and pray for luck in batting. They even sing God Bless America during the seventh inning stretch.

It seems bizarre that at a professional level we say it is okay for athletes to invoke their Creator, but at the high school level it is taboo to open with a prayer. Isn't a prayer that nobody gets injured, for principles of fair play and sportsmanship, more important than a prayer to hit a home run or score a touchdown? Separation of church and state, a topic I'll be visiting frequently, is entirely too ubiquitous in its application. Call me a traitor, but I'd much rather sit through an opening prayer than to listen to the National Anthem one more time. (The only thing worse, in my opinion, than the national anthem, is the pledge of allegiance, whether God is in it or not.) If people are afraid of prayer at school advocating a state religion, then invite interfaith organizations to arrange the devotional aspect of sports events. That way a spectrum of faiths will be represented, and nobody will be favored. Of course then the atheists will complain that their children are being polluted by references to God. Separation of church and state doesn't require elimination of church from state, no matter what non-theists would have you believe.

The other sports-related thing of interest, and what inspired me to write on this topic, was the recent flap over the steamy intro to Monday Night Football, a blatant advertisement for one of the most disgusting ideas for a show I've heard of. It was an ad for Desperate Housewives. The thing that struck me was a line in Gail Shister's column for the Philadelphia Inquirer. She said:

Also, some objected to the racially stereotyped overtones of a white woman
seducing a powerful black man.

You can find the complete article at http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/entertainment/columnists/gail_shister/

This got me wondering what wouldn't have been a racial stereotype. Black woman, white man? Black woman, black man? White woman, white man? Is it the inter-racial aspect that automatically conjures up the image of stereotypes? Was it the "powerful" part? What if she was seducing Erkel? What if the powerful black man was seducing her? Would that be better? What if they were playing cards instead of insinuating sex? What if it was inferred that they were a married couple? Would that have been better or worse?

Basically, I think it points out the unquestioned aspect racism in this country. We have a racial history that is largely unacknowledged. We have issues that are taboo. Cornel West, in Race Matters, points out the mystique of fear around African American sensuality and sexuality.

Whoever thought up this whole ploy should be on a reality show called Desperate Advertisers which shows the lame things people think of to stick advertising in places it shouldn't be, to use sex to sell anything, and to demean themselves beyond any semblance of respect.

Ironically, the only reason they want you to watch Desperate Housewives is so that you'll be subjected to the advertising they broadcast during it. The show itself, like all others, is merely a delivery device for commercials, like candy-covered dog food.

Maybe someday soon there will be a TiVo with my name on it.

Emails from God

So you are sitting in your living room one day. It occurs to you that there has to be a better way. Everyone is arguing about separation of church and state, which religion is right, if God exists, who to vote for, how to save spotted owls, which charity they should donate to, and whether to shop at Wal-Mart. How is a sane person to figure it out?

Ask the one who knows.

Not me. I have an idea, but I certainly won't say I KNOW. Ask God. Whether you believe in God or not, you can ask Him to guide you to Him. Why would you? Well, it is sort of like Pascal's Wager. See http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/pascal-wager/ for more information on that.

Let's say God doesn't exist. All those billions of believers in some sort of higher power are just a result of natural selection where believing in God is a benefit to survival. Or maybe belief in God is hard-wired into our brain, which is pretty much the same thing. The afterlife doesn't exist, and this is all we have. Our life on earth. Birth to death. Altruism doesn't make sense to me if God doesn't exist. If the best way for me to spread my genes is my survival, then I am going to lie, cheat, steal, kill, sabotage, and do whatever else I need to do to survive and procreate. I'm not going to lay down my life for the "survival of the species" because then my gene pool dies out. Yet something prevents this from happening. We don't have this kind of survival of the fittest. It is more like "survival of the mostest" if you will. Something seems to transcend our individual need to survive. Something makes suicide, murder, and incest taboo across cultures. A cultural template from which all cultures start. I also have a hard time believing that the universe "just happened" and have read some very interesting "proofs of the existence of God."

Obviously there is more to the whole atheist argument than that, but let's look at the other side. One reason some find it easy to not believe in God is because trying to believe in God is very confusing. If most people in the world believe in some sort of higher power, whether it be the Goddess, Allah, Unknowable Creator, or whatever you call it, why doesn't anyone agree about what that power is and how to worship or acknowledge it? Many people do believe in some higher power, but don't have any specific form of religion to which they adhere. If you do believe in God, where do you go from there?

I see a few options. You can believe that each religion worships that higher power differently, and that whatever they want to do is okay. The "all paths lead to God" approach. Or you can believe that all other paths are wrong, and you have found the only correct one. You can believe that there are many different gods, and that Allah is different from God who is different from Brahma. Or you can believe that however you define your relationship with your creator is okay, that a specific religion isn't required. You can believe that God exists, but you don't need a relationship, thank you very much. How do you sort through these?

How can we decide that we don't need to adhere to a specific system of beliefs to worship God? I guess we could say that if God said it, but that would require determining what God said and getting His okay. Otherwise, you are making the decision, not God. I think we'd have to determine if God did have a specific system for us before choosing that path.

With so many religions to choose from, how do we choose? With many names for God or Goddess and many ways to worship, some of which are seemingly mutually exclusive, how is one to choose? And why is there so much confusion?

I believe it is because of a concept called "progressive revelation." There are two easy places to see this in action. One is the Bible and one is the Koran. How would God communicate to us? He doesn't send emails. He doesn't write books. He doesn't hold press conferences. He does, however, communicate with a chosen person, who then passes that message on to us.

Do we listen? Some do, some don't. People have a hard time hearing someone say that they've been talking with God and have a new message. So people choose to ridicule and persecute the person and cling to their cherished ways. The people who have the most to lose are the clerics and priests of the previous religion who are vested in holding to the old ways. Each messenger of God is persecuted for their teachings. It repeats throughout history.

Think about it. As a third-grade child, you listened to and loved your third-grade teacher. Then it was time to go to fourth-grade. It was painful, because it was new and you may have felt that by liking your new teacher you were disrespecting your old one. But that third-grade teacher wanted you to move on and progress. I believe that religion is the same way. God chooses a messenger who gives us a lesson for that particular time in human history and evolution. Then mankind evolves and matures and needs a new lesson. There is an eternal element of these religions, an element that is always the same. Moses gave us ten commandments. When Christ was asked which were the most important, he said to love God and love your neighbor. The Golden Rule is taught in all religions. Love God, love your neighbor. There are teachings that change as we change. The social teachings of each messenger of God change because they are what is needed at the time.

Anyone for using Occam's Razor here to shave away the extraneous confusion?

It becomes much easier when you can see that there is one God. That makes sense. Is it easier to believe that a pile of brick became a house spontaneously or that someone built it? Is it easier to believe that our universe just happened despite all the coincidences that would have to have occurred or is it easier to believe someone was behind it? Is it easier to believe that most of the world believes in a higher power because one exists or because they are all deluded the same way?

If there is one God, it is easy to explain the confusion by believing that He has one religion. It is one constantly updated religion and God doesn't leave us alone. The religions are more alike than different when you look at their core beliefs. When men get involved and add their interpretations and veils, it becomes confusing. That creates sects and schisms, each like the tributary of a river. God sends a messenger to renew His religion because it has become too distilled and needs to get back to the source.

So in a nutshell, I believe that there is one God, one religion, and one human race. What could be simpler?

One word about calling God Him. God transcends gender, and unfortunately English doesn't. Since common English usage refers to Him, that is what I use. I don't believe that God is a man, or that men are favored when we use the word "him" for God. We were all "created in God's image" which obviously doesn't mean we all look like God. We are created in His spiritual image. We all have virtues and a spiritual side which it is our responsibility to develop. We also have a material, human side. Our body. But that is a topic for another day.